Today has been (excuse my language) shitty to say the least. I feel like no matter how hard I try, it's never going to be good enough. 

The last three weeks have been extremely difficult. Although I am learning new skills, I find myself slipping back into my old patterns. When the going gets tough, I get going. In other words, I give up. I am at the point now where I want to let go so desperately, but something inside of me (I don't know what it is yet) keeps pulling me back up. Today is one of those days where I'm waiting to be pulled back up.

I can't do this anymore. I'm scared and I want to go back to my comfort zone, even though I know it's not good for me. 

I'm in need of some serious encouragement. 

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 UPDATE: I'm doing a lot better now. I talked to my brother and he gave me some words of wisdom (thanks again, Jer!). I also saw the on-site psychiatrist and he switched around a few things. Overall, I'm feeling a million times better than I was.