I just had the best session with my therapist. I realized that it's not the place that's working this time, it's me. I feel like I'm actually getting better.

Don't get me wrong, the staff here is incredible and the programs are helping, but I think I'm just in a different place than I was when I was in treatment before.I'm still apprehensive about the physical part, but something happened today that has never happened to me before: I felt better after taking a walk after lunch. I actually felt better. Before lunch, I was anxious and tired. Then I took three laps around the parking lot and as I was walking back inside, I realized that I felt different; better.

I'm very nervous about the next few days. I'm scared that I'll be coasting off of today and just stop trying. The only way to stop that is to tell myself that that is not going to happen. 

I don't want to be the girl I was before: laying in bed for days on end and eating everything I could get my hands on. 

I refuse to be that person anymore.

 

I was told by my therapist to journal today and I consider this blog an online journal of sorts. So, here we go!

Last night I spoke to my brother, Jeremiah, over the phone. This conversation lit a fire in me. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Depression is a horrible disease that affects more than we even realize.

Being the youngest/the "baby" my whole life, I never expected to see the day where my brother would talk to me like an adult. I didn't realize until my conversation with Jeremiah last night that he was talking to me like an adult because I'm ACTING like an adult. I'm making progress already and I couldn't be more proud of myself. 

I know that I have always had people in my corner, cheering me on, but I need to engage in the fight this time. I appreciate every last one of you that has supported me over the years. I can't even begin to thank you.

I'm going to continue to take it day by day.