I was told by my therapist to journal today and I consider this blog an online journal of sorts. So, here we go!
Last night I spoke to my brother, Jeremiah, over the phone. This conversation lit a fire in me. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Depression is a horrible disease that affects more than we even realize.
Being the youngest/the "baby" my whole life, I never expected to see the day where my brother would talk to me like an adult. I didn't realize until my conversation with Jeremiah last night that he was talking to me like an adult because I'm ACTING like an adult. I'm making progress already and I couldn't be more proud of myself.
I know that I have always had people in my corner, cheering me on, but I need to engage in the fight this time. I appreciate every last one of you that has supported me over the years. I can't even begin to thank you.
I'm going to continue to take it day by day.
Today was full of relaxing chats in the sunshine filled grass, giggles over dinner and a few tense moments tossed in for good measure.
I'm really looking forward to my parents' visit on Sunday (I'm a tad bit apprehensive due to the fact that every time I've ever been in treatment, visits tend to go less than perfect. They usually end in tears on my end and frustration on my parents').
The magnolia tree in our side yard is in full bloom and I enjoy seeing the sun set behind it every evening. I cannot wait for my mom to see its beauty in person. It truly is a sight to be seen (and that's a lot coming from me seeing as I am not a nature loving person).
I feel like I'm really starting to get close to the other residents here. In fact, one of them started jokingly calling me "Snuffles" due to my constant sniffling (my mom says I've had a stuffy nose since birth. I wish I was kidding).
As a part of our program on Thursdays, they are taking us to the zoo tomorrow. Considering it is a very rural area, I'm not expecting much (especially since they don't even have an elephant, so I've been told. We all know how I feel about that). I'm still excited to blow off some steam and get out of the house.
We also go bowling every Friday before dinner. Before last week, I hadn't been bowling in around a decade so needless to say, I'm terrible. But, hey, it's fun!
I am not sure how to wrap up this post except by saying that I feel as though I'm doing really well.
Thank you for your continued support!
New Beginnings....
As some of you know, I suffer from anxiety disorder, depression and severe panic attacks. While there isn't an exact time that I can pinpoint when this started, I'm pretty sure that I've had some form of mental illness since I was a small child. Now, I have to make it clear that I grew up in a very safe and happy home. Mental illness can creep up on anyone.
A year ago today, I was being admitted into Timberline Knolls Residential Treatment Facility in Lemont, IL. It was the single most difficult thing I've ever done and it was a real test of my perseverance. I instantly bonded with a girl named Jenny (whom I now consider one of my dearest friends). She arrived a day earlier than me and we were both struggling with our lodge's phone policy witch prevented new residents from using the phone for 48 hours. To us, it might as well been a million years.
One of my most vivid memories from treatment was sitting with Jenny in our common room/living area (which we called "the milieu"), both of us in tears because we missed our families. We sat and talked for hours, coloring and playing with this weird putty stuff (which was very calming, I might add). I truly believe that the friendship we formed that night is something niether of us with ever forget.
The reason that i'm typing up this post is to celebrate the year of progress that I've made. I still have days in which it is very difficult, but I can power through it now. I feel happier and healthier than I have in years.
Over the next few weeks, I will be starting college. I'm nervous for whats to come, but I'm also excited to start the next chapter of my life.
Tell me your story in the comments.
xoxo, Sarah